posted 3 years ago

New Volkswagen up! From £7,995

The Volkswagen up! costs less than tickets to see the world's worst comedian.

The Volkswagen up! costs less than tickets to see the world's worst comedian. It could therefore take you to an empty theatre in the slums from only £7,995. That, of course, is for the entry-level Take up! three door. But despite the low price this city car has numerous strengths which include its sure-footed handling. This five-speed manual therefore corners with confidence, has a comfortable ride, and the steering is nicely weighted. This complements the 1.0-litre 60PS petrol engine that propels motorists to 62mph – and away from bad comedians – in 14.4 seconds. That is far from fast but it is all some comedy lovers need. This power plant also averages a pleasing 62.8mpg rising to 72.4mpg on the extra-urban cycle. Even through town where cars tend to guzzle gas it returns 50.4mpg. This low fuel consumption ensures the Take up!'s emissions are lower than a failing comedian's morale, so it can be taxed annually for only £20. That is no joke.

The Volkswagen Take up! has other strengths to compensate for the misery of enduring a bad comedian. Highlights include the rock-solid build quality which is typical of its manufacturer. As such, this workhorse is likely to be reliable long term. It also – considering its pint-sized proportions – has a fairly spacious cabin. As such it carries four people in comfort assuming the rear passengers' legs are relatively short. Shorter than our comedian's career, at least. The Volkswagen up! also has a larger boot than some rivals including the Ford Ka, Nissan Pixo, and the Renault Twingo. Cargo capacity is, in fact, 251-litres which is enough to imprison that comedian. Furthermore, folding the rear seats flat increases capacity to 951-litres which is only 151-litres less than the current Ford Focus Hatch - and that is a “small family” class of vehicle rather than a tiny “city car”.

Now, comedy lovers might claim that the Take up!'s specification is barer than our comedian's Diary of Bookings. Perhaps that is true. It does, however, have the basics and that is reasonable considering its price and other strengths. Gadgets include: power steering, a CD player, MP3 connectivity, and air-bags that contributed to the range's maximum five-star Euro NCAP safety rating. That is about it. No standard air-con, electric windows, electronic stability programme, etc. On the plus side motorists can choose from a range of extras. These include the £125 “THIS SIDE up!” film that can be stuck to the car's roof. That is clearly funnier than our comedian but how long before the joke wears thinner than a balding man's hairline? More useful is the £350 “Comfort Pack” which adds: electric front windows, remote central locking, a height adjustable driver's seat, and a two-tone horn. That sounds perfect for drowning-out our dreadful comedian.